Writings of a delirious mind (it's 3 in the morning give me a break!)

Now it apparently seems my old muse has abandoned me for god knows how long, and how long more is more of a mystery to me than it'll ever be for you. So since I've run out of the queer and unusual to talk about, I think I'll move onto the only thing I have inspiration for. Life and the barriers that we live. Wow, it sounds like I'm doing some kind of templated English oral exam written by someone who's primary language is Russian followed closely by French. But yes, being the person that I am, I usually have to say life isn't complicated, it comes down to a simple theory, if shit goes bad, blame everyone else. But no, I honestly believe in accountability. No one is responsible for anything that's happened to you but yourself. Admittedly you had no real control over the fact that lightning decided to strike your car and set it on fire with your family waiting inside, but at the same time you parked there of all places didn't you? Though yes there is less accountability there, we should always realize that fate isn't our master, we fulfill the conditions for fate to take root, we are the catalysts for any event that happens. We control fate, it doesn't lead us.

That is, unless we allow it to. We let ourselves get carried away by the current, and sometimes we get caught in the right stream and get pulled along to greater and greater heights if we just let it pull us where we will. But oftentimes it'll pull you down, an undercurrent that tries to drown you. If fate was described to you as this, would you not fight the circumstance that drags you under, with the only intention to smother you? Yet so many of us allow ourselves to be pulled under, and so few of us swim against the current, defy convention, try to rise above the tide of expectation and judgment that weigh us down. The insurmountable task of moving the wheels of fate can be accomplished, not because it is easy, but simply because the wheel will turn, all it needs is the slightest of touches. No, there is no trouble in turning the wheels of fate, there is only trouble in stopping it's current rotation. It is not always within our power to stop the wheels of fate, but it will always be in our power to move it in a direction of our choosing. Sometimes, it's not so important that you know where your actions will make you end up, but whether it was the best possible choice at the given time with all the given information you had. I believe the greatest crime of all is the choice to let the ebb and flow of the currents of destiny and predestination pull or push our own personal wheels of fate, to let someone or something else tell us what we are going to be, what we can reach.

It's an easy thing to fall into, the idea of destiny. Destiny makes life easy, it makes it tidy. The belief that there was nothing you could do no matter what is a comforting one, it helps us believe that we can't have what we want not because we don't deserve it right then, or not because we didn't try hard enough, but simply because we weren't meant to have it. It lets us have tidy little boxes, where we can sort our triumphs and failures easily. There are no grey areas of could be, or what if and most importantly, there is no accountability. The idea of destiny is powerful in our minds because it helps us keep our hands clean of blood. Personally though, I believe in accountability, because I don't believe in destiny. Why has my life been predetermined, if we have the free will to live it as we please. Why are we given a chance to make the wrong choice if everything is predetermined. In fact, why would we even be given the illusion of choice in the first place if it wasn't necessary for us to have it in the first place? The idea of destiny presents us with a straight road, with one path that goes straight into the horizon, the path surrounded by a thick fog and a foreboding aura that permeates the entire area off the revealed path. So what is destiny then when we choose to step off the path and into the fog? Destiny is a predetermined path, but we can choose it....or we can choose the uncertainty of the fog.