proliferous instance

Metamorphosis

2011-02-02T17:18:00.000-08:00

I think we are all in a constant state of change. People are always shifting and moving, and because we see ourselves day to day, we don't see what's different till we look back, not so far yet looking like another lifetime

It just doesn't look like another lifetime, remembering what it felt to be that person isn't the same. We aren't the people we were yesterday, we aren't the people we will be tomorrow. All we are is a transitional period. Always changing.

What does that mean then? It means life is mutable, and your expectations and the expectation of others are meant to be defied. I'm not the same person I was during that yesterday, I'm a new person. I always used to live a step behind myself. Clinging to an image of what my life should be. But now I understand that the image that I've burdened myself with is not me anymore. It's a shell of what was.

It's time to let go of all of that. I think I'm finally ready to forge my way forward, through the fog and the uncertainty so that I can live the life I'm meant to live. That life isn't carved in the comfort of familiar haunts and habits, but with the waters of change.

I think it's well past the time for my life to renew itself. After all, I think I'm renewed. Yet this is all a matter of timing when it comes down to it. I want to catch on to my new destiny. I simply hope I'm not too late.

Freedom

2009-08-27T10:35:00.000-07:00

Well this is it. This is what it finally came down to. The culmination of everything we've been waiting for. Looking back now, University seemed distant. It seemed to be one of those things that happened to other people and not to you. It was one of those things that was always just on the horizon, but vaguely unreachable.

Despite all that, here it is, staring right down at us. Now we're all going to go and chase our dreams, or maybe something we find is less than our dream, maybe we're stuck somewhere we don't want to be or doing something we don't want to. I got what I wanted, but now the victory itself seems somewhat hollow. No matter how we knew that not all of us would make it, there was always a hope, an image that we'd all be together standing victorious running into whatever future awaited us together. But here I stand in the today and it's nothing like that.

Perhaps it's not important however that everyone didn't get exactly what they wanted in some way or another, weather for themselves or for the people around them. Perhaps all that's really important is that we're free. Every single one of us is free. Daunting as it will be, the idea and the taste of it is glorious. It's fed the spirits of armies and given hope to the hopeless.

Maybe freedom is all that matters at the end, and that's the dream we all seek.

Camping

2009-07-05T08:53:00.000-07:00

Now after my brief little vacation at the isolation ward, I'd like to very much relate my experiences on hospital quarantine, in all it's splendor and glory.

What is hospital quarantine you may ask? Well it's a place they send you when you're already better to be isolated in case you infect more people with your healthiness. With that pattented malaysian spirit, why the hospital can GUARANTEE that you're healthy by the time they lock you in the ward with other possibly sick people so you can catch a new disease.

I had decided while in the ward that the malaysian hospitals are scared of one thing: efficiency. Why does it take so long to get the results for the swine flu test? Why because if it took just a day, they might actually have to TREAT you for a real disease while you're there.

Now, back to the topic at hand, the ward was like camping. You know, the activity where a group of you and your friends go to the great outdoors to eat delicious smores, and indulge in activities like hiking. The isolation ward is exactly like camping, if instead of friends, you were with absolute strangers, and instead of being in the great outdoors, you get to sit in a small room with a bed. And instead of delicious smores, you get to eat stale hospital food, and instead of fun hiking, we get to have fun-filled blood pressure and lung checks! Well alright fine, it's not very much like camping, but they got one aspect right: the mosquitoes, which have been well substituted by doctors that wake you up in the wee hours of the morning and take your blood.

This is what hospital stay is like, so exciting and dramatic as everyone sets it out to be no?

(and for the late posting, I'm sorry! It's just that....I kind of forgot to put it up if you'll belive me, which obviously, no one will)

What makes your rising sun so new?

2009-05-17T01:20:00.000-07:00

Why do we proceed with things? Why do we go on, really whats the point?

Some people will tell you the goal is progress. To become better than what you should be, to become more than what you are now, and in a nutshell to find hapiness in achievement. Or at least the tools to be happy. But then, when you think about it, the only thing you see on the horizon when you climb a hill is a thousand more hills you haven't climbed yet. And when you climb those thousand, you'll become aware of a thousand more to climb.

It's never-ending. The process of trying to go further and further, of trying to climb. It's ineveitable that we do it, so really...sometimes I think it better that we don't think on it, that way we never question the futility of it all, of everything that we do and everything we've done to achieve the knowledge that there's more to do. It can be concluded then, that hard work amounts to more hard work, and this is the way of things. There is no way to reach whatever objectives you set. Before you reach it, you always push up your standards, you always look for a new challenge, a new way to motivate ourselves to find more challenge.

So then it's reasonable to assume life is a collection of meagre satisfaction, and an endless cascade of challenges which lead only to less satisfaction unless you work harder. After 100 years, do you really think you'll be satisfied? There'll be no time to make you happy, only time to climb more hills looking for that elusive thing that we all pretend to have innanely: Hapiness.

Even if you could live forever, your mortal perspective will not be lost. You will strive for more and more progress, and by the time it comes to the point there is none left to be had, then there is no purpose to life anymore, there are no more goals and more importantly, you have no connection to what happens around you by the time you finish. Time would have left you behind, and you will be connected to nothing. Then, when you throw yourself into the fire, or go mad because you have lost touch with everything around you.....no one will know you even exsisted.

No one will even remember whatever horizons you saw while you were climbing. Not even you will remember what you saw. You were too busy counting how many hills you saw and which one to surrmount first.

Gravity release me

2009-05-12T01:34:00.000-07:00

It's really quite strange how fragile everything is. Sometimes it almost seems like the things you want most are always the most fragile of all. On some level, thats what I see God as, the only thing you can really care about that won't break or bend with whatever you do. Perhaps that's the draw to it. The fact that you can do anything, and it's the one thing that stays the same. When everything shifts and everything falls, it's what won't fall with the rest.

Where does the fragility of everything result from? It is simply a result of the nature of things we need or want. It always hinges on the smallest, most imperceptible things. It always hinges on these things. Sometimes we know it does, and we obsess over it so much that we break it. Sometimes we don't even know that what we need or care about hinges on what we're about to do. So we crush it unwittingly. Is there even a way out? Is it really possible to save these fragile pieces?

No. We can't save it. In hindsight, it always certainly looks like we could. But truely, everything looks great in hindsight. But here's the thing.....it doesn't matter if a decision is right or wrong. The important part is that it seemed like the right decision at the time, then what else could you do right? But then we always think that because we made the wrong choice in hindsight, we didn't do the best we could, or make the best decision we could. But truely, if you didn't think about the "best decision" that you thought of later, then obviously....at the time whatever you did was the best decision. When I say the best decision, I don't mean to say it's the correct choice. The concept of right choices and best decisions are not the same thing. Best does not nececarily mean right.

Remember that always,

You'll never touch the ground.

Mothers

2009-03-08T09:41:00.000-07:00

Mothers, what are they made of? To many of the uninformed (i.e. People who have mothers. Which is everyone. Except orphans.), They are an unsortable mess of qualities, seeming contradictions and juxtapositions of one another.

Mothers can't wait for their kids to leave, yet can't seem to let them go.
Well, no matter what your mother says, in some ways she just can't wait for you to be out the door. Less work, most definitely. Yet, she can't really seem to bear the idea of this freedom from you, much like a person incarcerated from birth who wouldn't know what to do if they suddenly were given the freedom to do anything. I mean they always seem to be asking for 5 minutes peace, yet they want you to stay home so they can never have that 5 minutes peace.

Mothers want to tell their kids how things are done, but they want them to learn by themselves
Mothers always prefer to let their children discover the world by themselves, yet they have an urge to make them understand their point of view or their way of doing things, aka: "The Right Way Which Is Definitely Superior To Anything You Can Come Up With". They seem to relish in the joy of "I Told You So", yet they genuinely feel bad when they allow themselves to bask in the glory of this achievement

Mothers want you to grow up, but want you to be theirs forever
There seems to be a constant battle of tug of war between letting you grow up and be free to drive, etc. but are also held back by an undying dream of having you being that small child that they raised and changed diapers for, though I don't really understand completely why they'd want to go back to that, they just do. I guess this is the same kind of masochism that leads many women to believe that the "miracle of birth" is worth as much agony as....well apparently us men can't aptly describe it, so I wouldn't know how to compare the pain.

Mothers grow their children to act like slaves
Oh well maybe this one is just me....I'm pretty sure it's just me I think. Though if child services sees this and asks....I didn't say this.

Mothers believe that the best part of having your own small children is you can tell them anything you want, and they'll believe it
I have the feeling that I'm alone on this one too, but what can I say? The way I imagine it, it'd pretty hilarious if I can make someone believe everything I said. Gullible people are fun, so I assume having one SO gullible can only be even better.'

Mothers can be pretty young at heart
Some mothers, (okay just mine) seem to like playing practical jokes on their children and families, yet seem to be completely mature when she feels like it. Or is this just my own mother again?

Mothers have lots of best friends
Well, my mother at least has a couple of best friends, like Mel Gibson, and Jackie Chan among others. But she can't announce it in fear for their cover in Malaysia being blown. I'm not actually kidding about this though, there's photographic proof!

Actually, I think my mother's pretty special in her own way, and she seems to carve her own unique pattern to raising children, which if I may say so myself, helped me turn out rather well(hm, I think that's hubris right there). I'm glad that she's still young at heart, (though possibly younger than me sometimes) and that she's always there to inspire me with her 5 A levels subjects. To the most contradictory, but still much loved person in my life,

Happy birthday mum

Time for a comic interlude!

2009-02-27T04:01:00.000-08:00

Now, I realize its been a while since I've posted here, and I've been very busy with life, reading, and um.....walking I've been very very busy, and if you're here reading this I don't see why you just won't take my bloody word for it! I mean it seems ridiculous to me that I have to qualify myself on my own blog, it's like explaining to yourself why you had to kill your neighbor to yourself in a book and.....I'm saying too much. Well anyway, I've also been watching quite a few movies I suppose, though I'm ashamed to admit that I have been in fact, watching movies.

There's something to be said about the current quality of movies, which I would describe as shameless. Movies directors these days are all the same thing reused over and over. Kind of like pimps. Only that you have 50 pimps and 4 girls and one really ugly guy pretending to be a girl that they'll all whore out. The saddest part of all is these movie directors(pimps) find it completely okay to whore out the same 4 or 5 films to us over and over and over...and over again. Well actually I just thought of something even sadder, which is that we continue to watch said movies though we're aware that the new movie we're just about to watch is the dismembered bits of the 4 girls ripped to pieces, stomped on, and then sewn together into a new multi-legged monstrosity of a movie which is in roiling agony with every breath, but we watch it because it seems new at first until on closer inspection you see all the stiches and feel the agony the director when through while making this shameless film.

Take underworld for example. I mean sure the first one was good, but then now we have 3. It's almost as if the people who made underworld have a running bet with the rest of the movie industry onto how much they can milk their movie. The procedure for finishing a franchise in this day and age goes something like this:-
Where (cow=movie, and people=producers/directors)
You have two cows.
You get the two cows milked by 300 people.
Later, you hire consultants to tell you why the cow died.
Yes, they literally milk their films to the very point of death, trying to desperately to get every single little cent out of it. Who cares about leaving a good impression? As long as you got as much money as you could, it's all good.

Now, time for the evidence of this behavior. Let's go deconstruct Underworld 3. In case any of you have the blessed mercy of not watching it, this movie basically features a race of vampires, who seemingly have all the powers of an Olympic high jump champion with a thirst for blood crammed into the frame of a person woefully allergic to sunlight. One even begins to wonder how they became the Ultimate Master Race Of The World with their jumping skills. Did they just jump over all the walls and kill the humans while they were sleeping or something? Because the way I look at it, an allergy to sunlight really sucks when you have to rule a race of day-walking people who hate you because you treat them like cattle. But on the other hand, the movie does give a reasonable explanation for the humans not rebelling: They are the stupidest bunch of people who ever lived. It makes me wonder if the vampires marginally better common sense is actually the crux of their super power when people become vampires. I mean there is a large African man who is very strong(stereotype!) who seems content to walk around with leg irons and handcuffs which he broke without even the slightest effort when in danger. One begins to wonder why he even allowed himself to be put in those stupid chains in the first place and walk hundreds of miles in them if he could just break them. Later, it is seen that he is locked in prison with bars that are assumed to be too strong for him to break. Okay, that would explain why he sits in prison. Yet later, he just rips the doors right out of the socket without a second thought. I have come to the conclusion that this large muscular man let himself be captured for fun, because I find no other explanation for how the hell they even keep him jailed for more than 10 minutes.

Next on my list is the vampire mega fortress defenses. Who in the name of god spends their lives being attacked by an enemy that scales the walls in 2 leaps, but decides to do nothing to rectify that fact? I mean if everyday people would come in through your window and rob you, you'd think you would want to board up the window or something. I mean, why bother with walls in the first place? I think the defenses of their home would've been much the same if they were just lying around in an open fields with a canopy over their heads to shield them from the sun.

I rescind my statement that the vampires have an ounce of common sense. What kind of people create guardians and sentinels that can think and feel, that are also stronger than them. I mean werewolves can prance out in the day, transform only when they feel like it, and when they transform they can kill vampires by the dozens. To be completely honest, it's fairly surprising that anyone with even the basest intelligence would make a servant race that would outstrip the master race by miles and expect them to be servile for all of eternity. That would be like creating a person who is more awesome than you in every way, and then asking him to be your butler. Not very smart to say the least.

And honestly, this is all just scratching the surface of how awful this movie is. I mean they've mangled the franchise, and from how awful this move is, I think it's entirely possible to assume that the writers were out of ideas. Well actually their best idea left the filming,(Kate beckinsale in tight leather) and thus were forced to actually try to write a good story for once in their lives. I really think they should just stick to the tight leather outfits. At least that way there's actually something to watch.

Through the tangled mire

2009-01-10T08:26:00.000-08:00

A good friend brought this to my attention the other day. We talked about philosophy, we talked about beliefs, and at some point, we even talked about ninja's. Yeah I think that pretty much covers enough to use the term we talked about everything under the sun.

We talked about the potential of failure and the expectations of success.

It's strange that we expect so much of other people. In fact most of the time, others expect more of a person than they would ever believe themselves capable of. Does this mean we are our harshest critics? Or does this mean that people frequently misjudge our capabilities? Personally, I feel it's a combination of both. We will always look upon ourselves in a less than favorable light, and though people's expectations might be correct more often than not, the simple act of trying to convince one of the surety of success, or of their place in the world, or even their place in a university, we slowly crush people with the weight of our expectations and thus negate the very things we believe those around us were capable of. The disparity of what we believe ourselves capable of and the height of what we supposedly are able to reach is what makes the soul weary, it makes us aware of the stars that we now think we can reach, but then think to ourselves that perhaps we simply are not trying enough even when we are simply being over judged by those around us.

Dealing with the disappointment of falling short of what we believe ourselves capable of, is even worse. It is much like walking a difficult path and then stumbling into quicksand....while surrounded by a tiger. It pulls you in, slowly but surely and any hope of escape is of course ruled out by the large animal that has a glean in it's eyes that speak of hunger and an impatience that is most certainly inhuman. It would be so easy to just sink in, it'll require no effort at all, and that sand feels awfully comfortable right now........

But then, what would be the point of walking all that way then? What would be the point of that hard trek all the way here. Perhaps if we hadn't been so careless, we might've saved ourselves the trouble of falling into that trap at the same time. Perhaps if I tried harder I might've avoided all of this. But then, the most important thing in the world wasn't noticing the trap, or taking a harder path to avoid it. The important thing is not to give up. The important thing is to realize that if you fall into a hundred pits, you'll climb out a hundred times. It is important to realize that every single time you climb out, you learn something new. it is more important to be able to dig myself out of despair than it is to be smart enough to avoid it. It is of the utmost importance to realize that anything is better than drowning in the sand. It is important to realize that despair is not an ignoble state. Always remember, that the longer you wallow in the sand, the harder it is to escape.

Just get up and walk away.

But never forget, that no matter how many people you bring on the path with you,
When you fall, no one will help you up. That's something they will judge you for, and something that you cannot be helped with, because you are meant to learn from it.

Some things are meant to be done alone.

Small collection of Truths

2008-12-13T20:00:00.000-08:00

The rules:
Bold the statements that are true to you
Italise the statements that you WISH are true
Leave the Fibs alone
Then, stab 5 guys to do the same test.

I miss somebody right now.
I dont watch TV these days.
I own lots of books.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I've tried marijuana.
I have been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse sometimes.
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.-used to-
I'm TOTALLY smart.
I've broken someone's bones.
I'm paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really,really fast.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D
I like the way I look.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar i have
I have a lot of friends.
I am currently single
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
I enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop then eat.
I don't hate anyone. I dislike them.
I'm a pretty good dancer.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
I have no idea what i want to do for the rest of my life.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I have tried alcohol before.
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
I own the "South Park" movie.
I would die for my best friends.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and i like it.
I have dated a close friends's ex.
I am happy at this moment!!
I'm obsessed with guys
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I can work on a car.
I love my job.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever i can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient in a musical instrument.
I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went college out of state.
I like sausage.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colours.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I don't know why the hell i just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet
I talk in my sleep.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo.
I can't stand at LEAST one person that i work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsesical, the better.
I'm an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
I love being happy.
I am an adrenaline junkie

Eyes wide open

2008-12-13T00:51:00.000-08:00

It's funny how we never miss the people we see everyday, but then only really feel it when we know they're going for sure. Though that makes me wonder if it would be better if people didn't have long protracted illnesses and just died right away. That way, the shock would be so great, people might even forget that they miss the person.....though they'd probably realize they missed them after a while. But at least the missing won't be very long.

But yeah what would bring be back to writing on this sinking ship? I blame my arch-rival Tatsuki Abe! Who is a ninja and is obviously the most secretly angry person I've ever met. He's obviously hiding his anger behind walls of self-control that could only be erected by a Japanese person....who is a ninja!(which is a redundant realization because EVERYONE knows all Japanese people are actually ninja's!)

Onto the matter at hand though, and onto the somewhat more serious part:-
Tatsuki Abe
You know, the way you wrote that whole thanks thing, you make it seem as if you're dying and leaving us all forever(though the way you are, you totally aren't going to visit, so it's kind of the same as being dead to us HELP people).
But yeah, you know you and me are so totally different. We could practically be from different species and no one would even question that we both kind of look like we might be from the same planet after they heard us both speak for like an hour, or rather the lack of speech from you if anything.

But for some reason beyond my possible imaginings, you and I somehow became good friends. God knows how that happened, but I presume it's because god has a funny sense of humour. But I guess maybe we aren't so different underneath everything.....or maybe we are, and that's what I find so interesting. Though I guess maybe it's because we have some kind of unspoken understanding never to take each other too seriously. I really never will understand why you haven't formed some deep hatred for me, or perhaps you have and you're just nursing it till you have to treat me for cancer or something, then release it on me then.....which is probably cause enough for me to never go to your practice. Ever.

You know, I realize we never go out, and not for a lack of me asking, it's just that you're never free to go out. But now that you're going to IMU, I think it's prudent for me to FORCE you to visit me! YOU will come back and visit. I don't care about your doctor work or whatever! You're a ninja! Go threaten your teachers while they sleep or some kind of devious ninja-ey thing that I can't think of to escape and drop by, and by that I mean MORE THAN ONCE TATSUKI!

You know something, contrary to what you might think, you've been a better person to me than most people ever will be to anyone. You might not agree, but you really are something of a nice guy. If you don't believe my words, note the fact you have no girlfriend....the whole nice guy thing sure explains a lot doesn't it? I think we agreed at some point-nice guys finish last.

So I guess this is the point I try to depart some worldy advice that I suppose I should've told you a long, long time ago/you just never listened too because i'm the crazy who insists you're a ninja and condemns your whole race. Be selfish tatsuki. You'll be happy. I think you'll agree with me somewhat these days. Just remember, do what makes you happy....damn everyone else. The only time you should be altruistic is when seeing someone else happy makes you happy. Until then, be as much of a hermit as you want, don't talk to people if you don't want to, (except me because you know, why WOULDN'T you want to talk to me). But yeah remember life is slow dying, so may as well enjoy the slow dying as much as possible.

Let's go for a drink sometime Tats, I think you promised we'd go like a MILLION MILLION years ago....or was it more than that, I can't quite remember right now....but then again, what CAN I remember these days? I feel so old. I shall depend on your guilt to make you actually come out drinking with me one day.

So I'll be seeing you soon Tats? You'd better come back, or else I'll....damn I can't really threaten you. But yes, come back and see us once in a while, if not your GUILT will kill you. I bet you can feel the guilt right now eating you away from the inside. So yeah let's go somewhere. And oh yeah I dare you to completely flunk your physics then show your results to mr. Lim and say "IMU effect". It'd be the perfect way to end your time at HELP.

Oh yes, and I'm writing this so you won't kill me in my sleep before you leave...that'd be a BAD way to end your time at HELP. BAD, do you understand? If I could type bad it japanese I totally would.....but what do I know, I'm malaysian

another tag, FANTASTIC

2008-11-20T03:52:00.000-08:00

Now it seems that to fill up space in this hunk of junk, I've taken to interspersing every post of nonsense with tags......which is actually more nonsense. So in the interest of pure nonsense for which this blog was designed, here's another tag!

1. What's your ambition?
Stay rich and live fast and die old(or preferably not at all)

2. Who is more important to you? Friends or boy/girlfriend?
For once in my life, I think it's important to be diplomatic and say that friends and girlfriend are important in very distinct and unique ways.

3. How often do you think of committing suicide?
The only time I even think of suicide is when I think about Japanese people

4. Do you think you have enough confidence?
Well let's put it this way....I'm so cocky I need specially tailored pants to accommodate myself comfortably

5. How many babies do you want?
hmm, that thoroughly depends on how many I can keep as indentured servants without breaking the law (or at least bringing about attention to the fact I'm doing that)

6. What would you do if you became stupid?
THEN I'd think about suicide......unless I'm too stupid to think of that. In that case, shit.

7. What is your goal for this year?
Get my grades, party a little here and there, and drive Tatsuki to the edge of madness, and make sure she doesn't regret choosing me

8. Do you believe in eternal love?
I don't know if I do, but like everyone else, I want to though

9. What's a perfect girlfriend/boyfriend like to u? (List 10)
lesse 10 only?
http://crazeeblurkok.blogspot.com/
http://crazeeblurkok.blogspot.com/
http://crazeeblurkok.blogspot.com/
http://crazeeblurkok.blogspot.com/
http://crazeeblurkok.blogspot.com/
http://crazeeblurkok.blogspot.com/
http://crazeeblurkok.blogspot.com/
http://crazeeblurkok.blogspot.com/
http://crazeeblurkok.blogspot.com/
http://crazeeblurkok.blogspot.com/

Well. I haven't the slightest idea why people seem to have so much trouble deciding these 10 things about what a perfect girlfriend/boyfriend is.

10.What feeling do you love most?
The feeling where you wish time would stop so you could live in that moment forever.

11. What is your bad habit?
I have a horrific attention span, bordering on Attention deficit disorder
I never EVER watch what I say
mean when I don't sleep
and.....ooo that looks nice!!....wait where was I?

12. Is there anything you wanna tell the people who hate you?
Hahahahahaha you want to kill me you say?? Get in line......if you hate me due to wealth, that's the line on the left. If it's about something I said, that's the line on the right.

13. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
short attention span remember? So yeah I do try, but life's tough

14. What do you hate most in others?
Stupid people who seem to have too much self-importance to take a joke

15. What do you crave for the most currently?
A nice drink, time to just waste on fallout 3 :(, and the good health of someone who's giving me white hair -.-

16. What features/quirks do you find totally sexy on a guy/girl?
Someone who can make me laugh, and who can take a joke

17. Describe the person who tagged you in 7 words.
He pisses on things when really drunk

18.What have you done to yourself to make yourself happy?
Spent some time with someone who makes me happy

19. What will you become in another 10 years to come?
hopefully not a destitute, tranvestite prostitute in Thailand.
but yeah, I think ruling a country through sheer economic power

20. Whats your guilty pleasure? (something you usually wouldnt admit out loud)
hmm, most of my guilty pleasures are quite in the open.....oh right! I have a love for picking things up with my toes when I'm home alone.

Instructions
Remove one question from above and add in your personal question.
Make a total of 20 questions and tag 8 people.
List them out at the end of the post.

Unfortunately, I feel tagging people is awful so I REFUSE again!

Chaos

2008-10-23T03:56:00.001-07:00

After posting an empty post and observing people's reactions, it has occurred to me that posting nothing seems to attract very much more attention than I ever thought possible. Apparently people would rather spend their time staring at a blank piece of wall instead of an actual painting. This leads me to a conclusion that if I handed up blank work to an art critic it'd speak to him in a way a chair with a blanket over it might speak to a pot addict, or maybe a bottle of whiskey to a reprobate.

It seems though that people have paid more attention to my blank work as compared to my actual written documents, and I do wonder whether people actually know what I'm writing about in the first place. It has always been my general assumption that people just kind of looked and thought "shit, wall of text....I'm leaving". And to test this little thought, blah blah blah blah and that's why he kills puppies. Though let it be noted that while I do not support the practice of killing puppies, I don't really see how much worse killing a puppy is to killing baby cows. And we do that all the time. And eat them....it's called veal, and it's very delicious. Though contrary to South Park, I do believe I would continue eating veal if it was called murdered baby cow. Because all in all, it's delicious murdered baby cow, and that's all that matters. To me at least, because you've been eating it all this while, it's not like a change of name would make it any more wrong or right (if you're of the persuasion that killing baby anything is wrong that is) or any less delicious than it should be.

Now where was I? Ahh yes, well I do wonder if anyone still reads this, hoping for another article, well there you go, I've done a new one. It's funny how people will continually come back here over and over again though there hasn't been anything new up for all of forever + 1. How do I know people will keep coming back here regardless of the obvious endless dunes of nothing here?.........because secretly I do it too, and I am terribly ashamed of it, but I guess it becomes vastly less shameful when I realize there are people that do it more than me....(Yes Tatsuki, I'm talking about you, please don't beat me up)

But yeah, to whomever it may concern, I'm finally back? Happy? Now, stop talking to me about how I haven't written anything in ages.......

Edge of morning

2008-10-11T07:17:00.000-07:00

Magic 8-balls

2008-09-26T22:35:00.000-07:00

Something has to be said about those ubiquitous little black balls(no this is not an innuendo you sick bastard). Though it is obviously massed produced at a toy factory there are people who may actually see it as more than a passing novelty. I think that's the real power right there, not the power to answer questions, but to sell itself to hordes of unwitting suckers. Now yes we all know no one would really admit to believing in the power of a tiny mass-produced piece of plastic filled with dye, the healthy crop of mentally deficient probably make up the majority of the people who still listen to the garbage that comes out of these things. I mean, there are so few variable answers(somewhere in the range of 20). So what fortune-telling device/question answerer do the rich and educated use?

We use our Ipods of course! I mean we aren't superstitious like the common folk, we're educated and use a random dice roll to determine our fate. Instead, we use the very real power of electronics to determine our fate. Because as everyone knows, our machines use the power of raw mathematics to calculate our fate.....much like that guy on the show numbe3s, the strange one who seems to be able to predict the future through judicious use of numbers which borders on resembling witchcraft. In fact, the way he applies his formulae could very well be some cover for the pagan rituals which involve pentagrams of blood and summoning circles of salt, the ultimate proof of his dark powers being the haircut he has, which obviously is a sad attempt to hide his bulging and distorted skull. This proves that he is not only a witch, but an alien witch.

Now, the rich can afford Ipods, the poor can sometimes afford a magic 8-ball, but what about the obscenely poor. You know the kind i'm talking about, the kind that can't afford the air they breathe in, and spend their lives cutting their gums with tin can edges to substitute water. Well, they always have goat entrails, as well as little dice made out of the bones of their children. So all I can say is no matter what income bracket you happen to be from, the future is in your hands......the only difference between methods is levels of timidness. And the disparity in the money made between methods. Though I do seem to find that the method that uses goat entrails would be the most expensive one come to think about it. In that case, I think toy companies should start dropping magic 8-balls onto poor improverished villages in Etheopia or somewhere like that.

Inspired

2008-08-29T10:55:00.000-07:00

Isn't it interesting, the future? It's something I can almost taste, it's something that's so close I can feel it. So close I can see right to the end of where it leads. Yet isn't it strange that even being so close to it, we still can't predict what's going to happen? It's almost like looking at a painting with the paint running. The picture continues to shift. You know what it looks like, and you think that no matter what you'll recognize that same painting, and any distortion will still bear a semblance to what it was.......yet If you just keep looking at it, eventually you'll forget what you thought it'd look like 20 minutes ago. That picture in your head worth nothing to the reality in front of you. As time goes on, the picture will resemble less and less what you originally remembered it to be.

Yet even with that, will you miss the original picture, with it's exquisite beauty of futures unbound, of lives yet to be lived, of sweetness yet to be tasted? No, you won't even remember it. The longer you look at a painting, the more you'll think it always started out kind of looking like that, even if it's been warped beyond recognition. We forget the beauty of what was ideal and replace it with what is real. This is how dreams are lost. This is how we survive. Could we really live remembering with perfect clarity that the race we run now wasn't what we always wanted? Wouldn't we rather live with the belief of what we're doing now was exactly what we always believed it to be? Or do we want to look at the picture with it's paint twisting in unknown patterns and weeping at the beauty lost, of the dreams quashed.

How did I think my life would be? I can't even remember....I can't even remember the dreams I dream every night, let alone the dreams I dreamed about so many years ago......Ten years ago to me now seems like an age ago, an age long past. And like all ages long past, we only know what we find about them, what is written. I have written nothing, I have remembered less. So what does that make me then? Does that make me Tabula Rasa? Mentally I could be, yet the past still binds us all, even if we don't know why. Just because a man forgets, it doesn't mean he won't be hunted. And just because we don't remember, doesn't mean we aren't bound by the same chains. We may forget that we are bound for just a second when the sun rises while you watch. Yet when you try to get closer......the chains will still be there like they were before, like they are now, like they'll be tomorrow. So while we run from the past, it is a futile escape. Because we can only run so far as the chains let us, whether we remember them or not.

But the really interesting thing about the future......it shifts and moves, and if it can make chains, it can break them just as easily. That's what keeps us going, that's what keeps us hopeful. That's what we live for. To live beyond what we are allowed and expected to be. To be something else, to be anything we want.

shall we paint our picture on the canvas then and begin the dance that determines the fate of all men? Shall we dance to the uncertainty of the future? Because while the movements of the paint take a life of their own, surely we can put the colours as we please. Surely we can live the life we want, and no one, and nothing can stop us.

Anything to kill a little time

2008-08-28T04:13:00.000-07:00

Hm, well i've been tagged again, but I won't complain because it seems pointless in the big scheme of things, so I may as well pretend to enjoy it at any rate. It's like in prison, the big angry men are going to get some from you regardless of if you like it or not, so may as well like it I suppose.

1 ) Are you allowed to have a bf/gf
Oh definitely, besides I'm a guy.....it's not like my parents are afraid that I'd get pregnant or something

2 ) Describe urself in one word.
I don't believe that you can describe and quantify yourself in one word, so i'm going to stick it to the man by not answering this question!

3 ) Who would you pick, someone who really loves you, or the one you love?
Hmmm, I think I'd go with someone who really loves me, that way I could possibly eventually love them in return at best.....or at worse I have a slave so eitherway I win

4 ) Have you ever loved someone BEFORE but never had the courage to tell him/her?
Love is such an extreme word.......I wouldn't go far as to say I've LOVED any of the people I didn't tell

5 ) Does it feel good to love?
Why is this even a QUESTION? It really depends on circumstances I suppose

6 ) God is giving u just 5 more minutes before going back to heaven, IF you love someone special what will you say to that person?
"Quick! Make like a REAL burial and bury yourself with me so we can be together FOREVER" and then spend the next 4 and a half minutes helping that person dig the hole
But yeah if I decide not to do that, then I guess, spend the last 5 minutes with the person and make it the most memorable damn 5 minutes ever.

7) What will you say to someone who doesn't want to believe you??
This happens all the time, and I generally find that no matter what I say, people will never ever believe that i'm serious or believe me when I tell them how serious I am, so yeah this is kind of irrelevant.

8 ) Was ever a time that you tried to learn to love someone?
Is that even a learn able skill? It makes it sound like some kind of "practice makes perfect" type of activity

9 ) What' your opinion about someone who's jealous?
As long as they don't yell/throttle/poison me/smother me in my sleep I guess I can live with jealous people

10 ) What can you say about playboys/playgirls?
I read Playboy for the articles, I SWEAR. But yes, it's their life, live it whatever way they want, and if anyone falls for them and honestly expects anything out of it, then they kind of got what they deserved for being so naive

[[ * PART 2 * ]]

1 ) Best place to cry?
I have no tear glands last time I checked

2 ) Who do you love the most?
why oh why all this talk about love anyway? I bet the person that wrote this tag is sad and lonely and is probably writing this trying to see how many people lead sad lonely exsistences similar to him so he might be able to find someone just as sad as him and they can fall in love and go live together in their mountain valley home and......yeah I should move on from this question

3 ) Tell us your dream last night.
I remember nothing of my dreams, all my dreams are ashes, ASHES of memories that used to be! But no seriously I didn't dream last night

4) Ever hated someone so bad?
Hate is such a STRONG word.........

5 ) The biggest & most hurtful lie you heard?
Well, probably the most hurtful and whatever lies are the ones you never hear of, and as long as I never hear about it, I'm happy, so it's not hurtful at all

The last person
-you had a beer with?
Um, Rufus, Alex, and Jason? At finnegans

-talked on the cell phone with?
My brother actually, who called from Aus to ask me some innane question, so I don't know if that counts as talking actually......
Wait, why do people need to know this again?

-u hugged?
This tag is just getting creepier and creepier with every question

-u yelled at?
Me yell? Never

In the last week have you
~Kissed someone?
Yeeeeah I maintain my stance, creepier and creepier

~Danced crazy?
Not recently I suppose

Think of the last time u were angry, why were u angry?
I cannot remember the last time I was actually angry to be completely honest

If you could do anything OR wish anything, what would it be?
I want to be as powerful as chuck norris! EVERYONE wants to be Chuck Norris deep down......or is that just me?

If you could have an all expense paid trip, where will you go?
Um, anywhere I can't go?

Would you or have you ever blackmailed someone?
Dexter does not comment on rumours and speculation. though seriously, no

Are you old fashioned?
DAMN RIGHT, IN MY DAY we used to have good ol' black and white televisions, and all that lack of colour helped make us appreciate the real world, not like these days with all those newfangled gadgets and compu-whatsits! And I mean look at the military these days! Everyone with their own fancy guns. In MY day, we had a stick and a rock.....and we had to SHARE the rock

What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back?
It's always harder to say no than yes

What things would be the hardest thing for you to give up on?
Baking and my computer I suppose, I couldn't live without either I think and possibly my good friend Jack Daniels once in a while

5 Facts About Me:
I bake using oven mitts with flower patterns
I hate driving, but I LOVE the part of it that gets me from point A to point B
I think Tatsuki is a ninja(though it so obvious that it just isn't me)
I think anyone who hates chocolate and baked goods obviously has no soul
When I tell you I'm in Borobudur, I MEAN IT

5 things that scare me
Um......scary things?

7 Songs Playing in My Head Lately
Fall back into my life-Amber Pacific
Only hope-Switchfoot
Hands Down-Dashboard confessional
Skyway Avenue- We the kings
Story of a girl-nine days
Learn to fly-Foo Fighters
Wine red- The hush sound

5 Things I treasure in My Life
Does money count as more than one thing?
My computer
Rock Band!
Iphone
My oven
Hm, it just occured to me that I can buy all these things.......so I guess money DOES count as more than one thing I can treasure. Ah god bless money.

7"first times" in my life
Getting really, really drunk
The outside of Pia's home because SOMEONE doesn't have keys to her OWN HOME
Hippie hair
Wine in the morning
Driving
Murder......oh um...yeah just forget you ever saw this, I mean the person was dead when I got there!
Oh I don't know......
Breathing
Walking

7 Words/Things I Always Use/Say
I hate you so much
What the hell
Oh my god
AHH my SPLEEN
Shut up!
I'm serious!/You can't be serious
Pia(exsasperatedly)

Is it supposed to burn when I pee?

2008-08-21T22:25:00.000-07:00

Well, since i've been infected with yet another disease, and thank you Tatsuki, it's every man's dream to be infected with some kind of internet transferable disease, the same way every person wants to get mauled by a bear, or get bitten by rabid animals. And in the same way, it fails horrifically at shutting me up, because here I am actually writing a post when I had no intention to in the first place so plenty to say thanks to you.

Rules of the game (or tag):
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to every question.
4. With the answers, comment on how it relates to the question.

1. How am I feeling today?
Slow down- The academy is
hahaha hell yes, these holidays are slipping away from me way too fast

2. How would you describe yourself?
Angel- Celine Dion
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA........that's a good one

3. Will you get far in life?
Spiral World- Last alliance
Um, so I'll make the world turn or something? That's good right? Well actually I honestly have no damn idea what this song is about, it's mostly in Japanese and has lots of guitar, so maybe that means i'll be a rockstar or something.

4. What is your life's purpose?
Last Kiss- Pearl Jam
Well shit, looks like i'm going to be spending my life pining over a dead person.....I'm definitely getting into necrophilia. hmmm, though TECHNICALLY if I take kisses from terminally ill patients then that's their last kiss and it isn't necrophilia......hmm I wonder

5. What is your motto?
My happy ending- Avril Lavigne
Well that IS a good motto, i'm sure that's what we're all looking for

6. What do you like in a guy/girl?
Fortunate son- CCR
Um......I know how this looks, but that man forced me, I SWEAR! Well, at least he could pay me a good settlement to keep my mouth shut, and that's why my family is where it is today and I'm going to university.

7. What do you think of the person you like?
Heels over head- Boys like girls
Well, at least I don't have any explaining to do with this one

8. What do you think of your best friend?
Mungkin nanti- peterpan
Well, um.....I'm not DITCHING you guys, I'm just......rescheduling for later, probably sometime next year?

9. What do you friends think of you?
Come clean- Hillary Duff
First, this song belongs to my......brother yes, it's obviously his music. But anyway these drugs? I've never seen them before in my life, you've gotta believe me! Come on man, I only need to hide for a couple of days!

10. What is your personality like?
Beautiful Love-The afters
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA are all my personality questions completely screwed up? Well actually that probably says LOTS about my real personality and qualities

11. What do you think of your friends?
The girl's a straight-up hustler- All time low
Well, um........I guess at least I didn't call you sluts? Hustler is a level UP, kind of?

12. What do you think of your parents?
Operator the line is dead- Jason Lo
Well my parents have played a prank on me before that was something like this.........

13. What do you think about very often?
Summer Sunshine- The corrs
Wow, looks like my world is full of sunshine and butterflies apparently. This tag makes the inside of my mind look like an episode of teletubbies, with the smiling sun and butterflies, though if there were strange dancing fat things inside my head, I'd probably have shot myself by now just to make sure those things were dead

14. What is the story of your life?
Umbrella(acoustic)-Marie Digby
Um, I provide shelter? Well my house is pretty big, I'm sure I've sheltered some people literally, and I think this is PROBABLY telling me that I will probably end up helping my friends if they are getting busted by the police for drugs or something

15. What do you want to be in the future?
Behind these hazel eyes- Kelly Clarkson
I think I'm going to spend my life doing plastic surgery......or maybe making contact lenses

16. What will they play at your funeral?
Raindrop Prelude- Choppin
Well, I always thought I'd die in a blaze of glory, with fire and explosives or a crashing plane. I guess everyone ELSE'll be happy I died so peacefully

17. What is your hobby/interest?
Unfaithful- Rhianna
I.....she was naked when I found her, I swear!

18. What is your biggest fear?
Bring me to life- Evanesence
Well.....I always DID think Frankenstein was a bad book.......

19. What is your biggest secret?
The Gift of Paralysis- Envy on the coast
SHHH, don't tell anyone, but I'm actually paralyzed from the legs down, but through the power of cybernetics I can walk! See? THAT'S why no one ever sees me wear shorts in college, can't let everyone see the mechanisms.

20. What's in store for this weekend?
Strange and beautiful- Aqualung
Let's just the Karma Sutra has some.....quirky positions

21. What would best describe your life?
Ordinary day- Vanessa Carlton
Well......it's so NICE to know how typical and insignificant my life is eh? This is so depressing....

22. Will I get married?
Holiday- Greenday
I'm not DIVORCED.....I'm just taking a holiday from marriage

23. What does your boyfriend/girlfriend think of you?
I can't hate you anymore- Nick Lachey
Well, at least you don't hate me NOW.......

24. What would you strip to?
Unchained melody- The righteous brothers
Well this isn't strip joint music, so that's ALWAYS a plus. Hm, this as a stripping song actually isn't that inappropriate oddly enough, just odd......

25. How is my life going?
Let me go- Three doors down
Well, I guess I want to go overseas real badly........or I want to go to the toilet. Okay, bad pun I'm sorry

26. How is my love life going?
Like you, Only sweeter
She's just like you, only sweeter.........so true, life's good now

27. How can I make myself happy?
Get over it- OK go
I am over it! I mean just because I set fire to his home doesn't mean I haven't forgiven him yet! It was an accident, I swear!

28. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Lost Highway- Bon Jovi
Well we HAVE been lost before.........except that wasn't a highway I think, but in America they call their basic roads highways so, I guess this is kinda accurate-ish.

29. What song will be played at your wedding?
Rush-Aly&A.J.
.......can you say drunken Vegas wedding?

30. What song would you play the first time having sex?
Someday we'll know
Well yes, someday I WILL know, and if I'm listening to that while having sex, then it'll be pretty soon.

There, done.....know what? I tag you Germaine, now get to work!

Into a grey sky morning

2008-08-20T05:21:00.000-07:00

"I'm lost" the boy said half to himself, and half to the enveloping fog about him. He stumbled around aimlessly, looking for something.....anything. As he waded blindly through, he thought about why he left the path in the first place. There was nothing wrong with the path, it would bring him somewhere, somewhere familiar, somewhere warm. But here he was, walking blindly through the fog, which whispered to him a hundred doubts, telling him to give up, lie down and die. His price to pay for wandering into the unknown in the first place, off the route already planned, and so safe. Now he knew not where to go, or whether he'd die in this accursed place, running around in circles until he gives in to the whispers all around him.

Caught in his own despair, he did not feel the second presence there until he felt a hand on his shoulder. Wide-eyed and fearful, he spun around ready to face the new threat that this unknown has sent to claim him. To his surprise, it was a girl. Though to just describe her as a girl would be unfair on so many levels, she was the girl. Words unspoken, she took his hand and they looked at each other with mutual understanding. They both knew, they'd probably stand less of a chance together, there'd be less food, more chance of attracting new evils to feast on them. It seemed like the right thing to do- let her go, they'd both have it better. Yet he couldn't let go, and knowing that she was here, he couldn't think of taking but another step without her. As he walked through the endless plains, he felt.....that maybe this is why he wandered in here in the first place. And he dared dream that's why she came here too. He was hoping that was why she couldn't let go either.

Writings of a delirious mind (it's 3 in the morning give me a break!)

2008-08-17T04:51:00.000-07:00

Now it apparently seems my old muse has abandoned me for god knows how long, and how long more is more of a mystery to me than it'll ever be for you. So since I've run out of the queer and unusual to talk about, I think I'll move onto the only thing I have inspiration for. Life and the barriers that we live. Wow, it sounds like I'm doing some kind of templated English oral exam written by someone who's primary language is Russian followed closely by French. But yes, being the person that I am, I usually have to say life isn't complicated, it comes down to a simple theory, if shit goes bad, blame everyone else. But no, I honestly believe in accountability. No one is responsible for anything that's happened to you but yourself. Admittedly you had no real control over the fact that lightning decided to strike your car and set it on fire with your family waiting inside, but at the same time you parked there of all places didn't you? Though yes there is less accountability there, we should always realize that fate isn't our master, we fulfill the conditions for fate to take root, we are the catalysts for any event that happens. We control fate, it doesn't lead us.

That is, unless we allow it to. We let ourselves get carried away by the current, and sometimes we get caught in the right stream and get pulled along to greater and greater heights if we just let it pull us where we will. But oftentimes it'll pull you down, an undercurrent that tries to drown you. If fate was described to you as this, would you not fight the circumstance that drags you under, with the only intention to smother you? Yet so many of us allow ourselves to be pulled under, and so few of us swim against the current, defy convention, try to rise above the tide of expectation and judgment that weigh us down. The insurmountable task of moving the wheels of fate can be accomplished, not because it is easy, but simply because the wheel will turn, all it needs is the slightest of touches. No, there is no trouble in turning the wheels of fate, there is only trouble in stopping it's current rotation. It is not always within our power to stop the wheels of fate, but it will always be in our power to move it in a direction of our choosing. Sometimes, it's not so important that you know where your actions will make you end up, but whether it was the best possible choice at the given time with all the given information you had. I believe the greatest crime of all is the choice to let the ebb and flow of the currents of destiny and predestination pull or push our own personal wheels of fate, to let someone or something else tell us what we are going to be, what we can reach.

It's an easy thing to fall into, the idea of destiny. Destiny makes life easy, it makes it tidy. The belief that there was nothing you could do no matter what is a comforting one, it helps us believe that we can't have what we want not because we don't deserve it right then, or not because we didn't try hard enough, but simply because we weren't meant to have it. It lets us have tidy little boxes, where we can sort our triumphs and failures easily. There are no grey areas of could be, or what if and most importantly, there is no accountability. The idea of destiny is powerful in our minds because it helps us keep our hands clean of blood. Personally though, I believe in accountability, because I don't believe in destiny. Why has my life been predetermined, if we have the free will to live it as we please. Why are we given a chance to make the wrong choice if everything is predetermined. In fact, why would we even be given the illusion of choice in the first place if it wasn't necessary for us to have it in the first place? The idea of destiny presents us with a straight road, with one path that goes straight into the horizon, the path surrounded by a thick fog and a foreboding aura that permeates the entire area off the revealed path. So what is destiny then when we choose to step off the path and into the fog? Destiny is a predetermined path, but we can choose it....or we can choose the uncertainty of the fog.

Oh don't mind him, he's JAPANESE

2008-08-06T05:26:00.000-07:00

Now just because I decided to take a vacation like Tatsuki, does not in fact mean that i've lost all thinking faculties completely. I mean Tatsuki went on vacation and didn't write a thing, so I don't see why I have to write stuff on my blog while i'm o vacation, though admittedly I didn't go anywhere, I had a vacation in my mind, and isn't that still a vacation of some kind? I mean technically it's still a vacation if I'm not here.....even if it's only mentally. So yes Tatsuki, i'm back and my brain does feel refresh and rejuvenated, unlike your body, which I've ascertained isn't sunburn, but can be attributed to the fact that you've become some kind of snakeman in Japan. I bet that your whole family is comprised of ninjas, and that you went back there to test the new snake-man regeneration formula that your ninja-scientists came up with that gives you some kind of regenerative power, and the ability to change your skin tone dramatically. I mean everyone knows that japanese people don't have skin problems! They're Japanese!

Yes, now while some of you may have been wondering where i've been all this time, no it wasn't because i've been in a coma, and no it's definitely not because i'm becoming how did Tatsuki so eloquently put it......."dumb". Yes I may not have the agility and pure strength of a ninja, but I've been able to determine which japanese person I know is most definitely a ninja, but a pure testament to my metal faculty is that even with the knowledge of this sleeper agent ninja's secret identity, I've been able to stave off death for something like 6 months now. So take that Tatsuki! Oh right, I really shouldn't say this, after he reads this he's probably going to kill me.....oh well i've been alive this long, let's see how long I can keep going.....My projected estimate though? I'm going to live forever.

It's the truth I swear!

2008-07-05T10:16:00.000-07:00

Now after being away for a couple of days, it's as if I've never left. No it's not that no one misses me, but it's also true that people aren't trampling their own living children to come and see me either. Why is it as if I never left you ask? Because no one believes i've left at all. No matter how many people I tell, no one seems to believe a word I say. Now I know how that boy who cried wolf felt before the wolf devoured his living corpse and excreted him out the rear end. In my story though, the wolf would probably tear through the farmers fields afterwards and bring hundreds of wolves that will feed on the bodies of the dead farmers, because no one listened to the poor bastard. Now, as much as I wish that wolves would actually decend on those who seemed not to trust the fact that I was in Borobudur, that would mean that I would have a grand total of about 2 friends left, which means that i'll probably have to skip the wolves devouring the non-believers.

But seriously, is it really so hard to believe me? I should invent a system in which I put a word at the end of any passage I want to be read seriously. This word should be something obscure and rarely used in normal conversation, as to ensure that people don't mistake it for part of one of my long and winding sentences. I think the word should be something provocative and easy to recognize. Now, being the uncouth scoundrel I am, I'd probably choose something inappropreate, like vagoo or something to that effect, but it also occurs to me that no one would take that seriously either. I think the only recourse that might be left for me is to get stabbed by a random mugger and try to convince people that I actually need to go to the hospital. there are only 2 possibilities. Either,
a) someone will believe me sometime before I die and realize that they should listen to what i'm saying because I could very well be dying

b)They wait till i've stopped breathing and come to the realization that for once I wasn't kidding, then call for an ambulance, by which time i'll be dead.

Eitherway this goes I still win. I either get people to finally take me seriously, or I die so it won't be relevant anymore, so it's a win-win situation, except that I probably win more in the scenario that doesn't involve me dying. If I do happen to die, I expect at least one of you to guilt and shame the others who left me to bleed out on the pavement, kind of like how batman's parents died, except unlike them, I have no children who will beat the living bejesus out of criminals to avenge me, so I need to settle with someone guilting my other friends. Many people seemed to have gotten the idea that I was making excuses to avoid certain things, or as a joke to suprise other people, which sounds like something I would do admittedly but is not something I did, I mean I've made up some pretty bad excuses for not doing things or avoiding people that i'm not proud of, but more of because the excuse was bad than me feeling bad for said people but this one is just such an awful lie if it were one. I mean don't you people think I have professional pride when I ply my trade I am seriously insulted that people would think that i'd come up with an excuse as bad as that......oh wait, it falls under my "make an excuse that is so outrageous that people will assume it can't be made up" rule, but no I wasn't doing that at the time. I really should try to be more serious perhaps, but that's like teaching a snake to walk on two feet.....it's impossible because they lack feet in the first place. Like said snakes, I lack the section of my brain that makes me serious. My theory being that all the oxygen is funneled from the logic section to the crazy section. Which explains why i'm wasting exhaustive amounts of time writing something people won't believe in the first place, so I guess I should say something totally ridiculous that i'm sure people are going to believe though they don't seem to believe my perfectly legitimate story of being in YogYakarta. Okay, so here's the "truth" about where I was, I wasn't in Borobudur, I was actually swallowed by a giant man-bear-pig, who carried me in his 7th stomach to the wild heavens above and regurgitated me and thought me the secret of life. The OTHER explanation that you all find so hard to believe is that I was at Borobudur. There, so I give you two perfectly good choices about what to believe, choose wisely. If you choose the wrong one, I will be morally obligated to inform everyone you know that you enjoy sticking nails up your nose and lobotmozing yourself with spoons.

For the sake of posting

2008-06-27T07:18:00.000-07:00

After many years of extensive research on the nature of innuendo, I think i've finally nailed down the unified theory of innuendo like an insect staked for display. Now, if this was actually scientific at all and if it were a real experiment, I should've come up with some kind of formula by now, because all great discoveries these days have to have a smidgen of maths to be taken seriously. Hm, maybe this is why no one takes me seriously....perhaps if I started adding bloody equations into everything I say people might actually take me more seriously, like instead of going "the building is on fire, RUN", I should go "The building is on fire, run in 2x4 lines!". That way, no one could possibly deny that I was being methodical, and that I was in fact, not trying to create random chaos, though everyone wouldn't follow the prescribed order in the first place. So, I wonder to myself, why do people always seek the most exact figure for everything in life? Well, that's a topic for another time, if I remember which means it'll never be discussed.

Well anyway, the universal word for innuendo is ending a sentence with "if you know what I mean" which may or may not be followed by a wink or a bawdy gesture. It's like a swiss army knife, you can use it for everything. But like the swiss, therein lies the problem with the swiss army knife, and to "if you know what I mean", it just can't bloody make up it's mind. Sometimes the swiss army knife wants to be everything BUT a knife. Similarly, since the phrase "if you know what I mean" is so widely applicable, it loses any substance. It's like stretching a condom, eventually, after a certain amount of stretching, it becomes useless, and it's function ceases. On that note, I've always wondered how a child would react(preferably someone else's) if I informed said child that he/she was the product of a condom that was treated shall we say roughly, due to certain....eclectic tastes. Now, I don't claim to be an expert on child psychology, but I'm sure small children wouldn't mind the knowledge of being an accident, I mean at least you were born, but these days it doesn't seem to be much of a gift. I mean if our intelligence makes us what we are, then well I'm glad that there's finally proof that our race is decending into cave living and lighting dung fires, and i'm bursting with excitement waiting for that.

Please, please come for the A levels Annual ball, because I like my motor functions

2008-06-19T08:48:00.000-07:00

Now, since we're all not trampling our aged grandparents to get a ticket for the A-levels annual ball, I feel obliged to put something up here in an effort to make you go for this event of kings. Now, I may not be the utmost authority of what constitutes a good ball, but based on mine, I must say that this ball is looking rather good. I mean, fancy clothes and expensive food....what could possibly go wrong? Unless the food was filled with crushed children......well actually, that may or may not be a plus depending on who's eating it. But I'm moving off topic here,(big DEAL, I do it all the time). But anyway, I've got to focus for once, so A levels ball, awesome, because if I said otherwise, i'm pretty sure that various people would turn on me and quarter me like they did to traitors in the old days.

I'm still alive, kinda? I guess? Well maybe not for long

2008-06-12T06:35:00.001-07:00

This blog is deader than a beggar on the streets of India, or a snake that's been rolled over by a car. Whatever description you choose, it's evident that this blog has been moving like a python that just swallowed a goat....in a word, not an inch. So here I am once again, trying to fill up the void and show you that yes, I did not swallow a goat like a real python and was rendered incapable of reaching my keyboard, but simply did not feel like writing very much till now. Since it's been a while since I've written anything particularly interesting, and that I haven't lost my mojo for all eternity and beyond, I think it's best that I get down to the real work of thinking of something to write.

Now I've never been one given to working hard at just about anything, and have been known to slack off for ages and perhaps the same amount of time for the rise and fall of an empire to occur. Oddly enough, when the planets align, and the three stars of Jeebus and associates shine brightest, I might be struck by enough cosmic radiation to make me hardworking(refer to A-levels annual ball if any of you doubt this sudden and unthinkable change). But rest assured, I'll never stop my blaspheming and bigoted ways, because let's be honest here, it's just space radiation, not an act of god. On the topic of god, apparently someone seemed to think that it was the most brilliant idea to give me a copy of daily bread, which happens to be some kind of book that gives me thoughts to ponder about god. But seriously, I can barely ponder out what I'd like to eat half the time, let alone ponder the complexities of a religion that I blaspheme about on a daily basis, which is proved by the fact that sometimes, I really wish that the book was in fact, made of bread. If it was made of bread, then at least I'd have something to eat while I ponder the more important than the bible question of, damn I'm hungry, what the hell am I going to eat on RM2. That besides, I'd probably appreciate bread more than that book.
(note, in case Isabelle is reading this, you shouldn't believe what I say about this book is true, because if it was made of bread, it'd probably go stale and attract horrible animals to wherever I'm keeping it, so I'm actually quite grateful for the form it's in, so I don't get mauled by animals if I decide to pick it up one day)

Now, some of you might think "but Dexter, just read the book, what's the worst that could happen". Now I might very well find the meaning of life inside that little book, which oddly resembles the little red book(a communist handbook/bible that Chairman Mao used to make the people read), so when I look at it, I think of communism, which to me is counter-productive to enlightenment, because money can buy anything, and anyone who says otherwise, just doesn't know where to go shopping. Besides, I can say with absolute certainty that this will happen to me if I accidentally read more than two words from Daily Bread in the span of 10 seconds:-

I have anecdotal evidence that supports my claim that I will burn like this if I read that book

Besides, even if I could read that book without igniting, which I can't, because I value my unburned flesh, there are still complications into the reading of the book. What are the complications? Well it's not that I won't understand it, lord knows I cannot even look at it without my eyes bursting into searing pain. Here I present to you an artists illustration of what a heathen sees when he looks at holy books:

Yes, as hard as it is to believe, a miniature bloody sun will appear and blind us heathens and make us writhe in terrifying, blinding holy-sun fire, which brings us back to the picture of the burning man if I am continued to be given prolonged exposure to an opened holy book, just like Our Daily Bread. With evidence like this, who would expect me to be able to read that book, so all I can say is thanks but no thanks, because I like being alive too much to risk it for eternal happiness, or 600 virgins or whatever is promised in holy books these days. Now that I've proven that I'm still alive, I think it's time I tried my hand at recklessly dangerous activities, like reading our daily bread. If I'm lucky, I'll be so much of a blasphemer that hopefully the book will curl up and die in my presence instead of spitting out holy fire.

My beautiful rescue

2008-06-05T20:11:00.000-07:00

I'll have to leave someday, of that I'd never lie. I'll not lie to you that there won't be a distance between us when that time dawn upon us both.

Maybe we'll grow apart.

Maybe I'll forget the way you love me now.

Maybe I'll forget the smell of your hair, the taste of your lips.

Maybe I'll forget all the perfect words that have been said.

If I could tell you the future, I'd tell you what's next. But I can't, all I can give you are the maybe's and the if's.
But, if this is really love, then.......
No matter how many times I forget, I'd fall for you all over again.

No matter how many times I create myself anew, I'd fall for you again

No matter how many times I'm reborn I'll fall in love with you each and every time.

No matter what distance lies between us......I'll never forget any of this as long as you don't.

I promised I'd wait for you, and I intend to keep that very promise to you. It's the closest any vow I've ever made has been to my heart. And as promised, I'll wait for you, no matter the distance, no matter the time, as long as you'll let me. That I promise.

I've never felt so alive as the time I've spent with you these past two months. There's a difference between living and being alive......and I think I finally know the difference. For that I thank you. For that one lesson, you deserve all I have to give you and possibly more than I can offer you. For once....it feels as if I don't need anyone else to approve of me and for once, I don't care if I'm being judged. For once, I'm ready to trust someone else, and I simply don't care if you could hurt me. The hurt would just remind me that I'm living life instead of just being alive.

It's a wild hope that keeps the despair of the future from taking me, a little flame of hope. Hope is like a parachute with little holes in it. You'll still fall, you'll still hit the ground hard, but it'll be what keeps you from dying.

So hope beyond all hopes, hope that what we have is true always. Hope that it'll last the way we believe it will in those fleeting moments when it feels as if nothing in the world could go wrong, and we will be always together. The hope will help us remember, it'll help shield us. So above all else, I hope you'll always remember that.........

I love you.

And I hope you'll feel the same of me always.

Recharge the batteries

2008-06-05T08:20:00.000-07:00

Now, as much as many of you would like to assume I possess some kind of limitless supply of witty remarks or energy, I do in fact need to sit down for periods of time and metaphorically smell the roses(because putting your nose close to roses literally is not such an awesome idea-thorns and all considered) and lie down without being disturbed. But such as the world is, no one seems to be able to spare time of day for me to lie down and do nothing! It's times like this that I wish they enforced the sabbath like they did in the old days- If you don't lie still, they stab you with spears and beat the living crap out of you, just to teach you that some days, working is bad or in fact doing anything is just plain wrong.

Now because I can't seem to come up with any particularly good hyperbole today, I guess this post is going to be sparsely short, and i'm probably only writing it to show you people i've still got it....even when I don't, like those washed out singers who sing at bars for a shot at fame once again. So I guess the only thing left to do to fill up space is to yammer randomly at whatever pops into my mind. I guess......well I got nothing, you know it's a real suprise that it didn't occur to me that i'd come up with nothing if I want to do nothing......wait isn't this little piece of writing technically work?!?! sigh, when my mind stops working, it stops working....I guess it's a little like a gum factory, once in a while there's too much gum in one place and the mechanism jams. Then we hire the tiny slave-men that are seen in Charlie and the Chocolate factory to clean it out.

I miss feeling smart all of a sudden, damn I hope I can think my way out of this box, my mind is about as broken as a chinese windup toy, painted with a large coating of lead just to poison the owner of said toy after it breaks down. Now, the only way to prove that i've achieved my full mental faculty is by starting a fire with the sheer power of my mind........it's going to be a long time before I bounce right back I think, oh well, until then a glass of whiskey for me, see if it comes back. Yes I know alcohol doesn't help your mind sharpen but who knows.....people have said things like "man would never fly" so what we say can never be trusted

Deathtraps and Maps

2008-05-26T10:38:00.000-07:00

Now, after watching the new Indiana Jones movie, yes the one featuring a history lecturer who has hobbies which include unearthing deathtraps and spitting death in the face every Sunday of the year. Now, I can respect a man who can find time to teach lord knows how many classes at colleges and uncover a lost civilization during class breaks, I find it hard to sympathize with a man who is obviously not human. For those of you who haven't watched the new Indiana Jones, and don't want me to spoil any of it for you, were it that I could. The plot is so campy and predictable that I'd need to slap you if you couldn't guess what it was on the first try.

Now, I don't know what college professors do during their spare time, but I'm damn sure it has nothing to do with them pumping iron in their old age. For a reason I cannot discern, Professor Jones seems to have the same amount of speed, agility, strength, and wits, which I was sure would've decayed, alzheimer and arthritis tend to do things to you, and unless i'm somehow mistaken, are especially common amongst people of the age group knowns as old. The only reason I can see for him being so fit probably has something to do with flaying virgins and drinking their blood, or bathing in stem cells from babies. Though this was my assumption at the beginning of this new movie, by the end I was convinced that he was Jesus Christ himself. Now, stop me if i'm wrong, but normal people die when involved which such accidents as falling off not 1, no that'd be too survivable, so they drop him down 3 waterfalls with only about a minute between each one. Also, surviving a nuclear blast in a refrigerator is further proof of his latent divinity and immortality, I mean, I don't bloody care if the fridge is made out of lead, you'd still die.

Another thing that had occurred to me during the movie is that ancient civilizations seem to get kicks from drawing up maps that lead to certain death. I mean, why the hell would you draw a map if the entire purpose of it was not to help people find the treasure, but lead them to horrible death and murder. It's obvious the ancient people didn't want them to find the damn place, so why would you even bother with a map, unless ancient people were cruel and their spirits enjoy watching idiots fling themselves to their doom. I mean this is equivalent to giving your friend directions to your home, wanting them to find it, but instead using your directions to send them to an Indonesian slave market to be sold off like poultry. Worse still, is that the Indiana Jones series tells me that there are plenty of people who know that the map is actually just a massive death trap with a reward at the end, like a hamster maze with some food in the last chamber. Yet, these people still follow these maps religiously, I mean who wants to spend time finding a non-fatal route, because not dying doesn't seem all that important in context of the movie. But seriously, even the reward isn't that great, who the hell kills themselves over a gold monkey? I mean it's probably bloody worth less than the temple that contains it, yet they choose to demolish the whole temple to get at that lump of gold(which they don't even know is real gold).

So, lessons I've learned from Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull?
(1) Just because he looks human, it doesn't mean Indiana Jones is human
(2) Native people have no lives
(3) Destroying ancient heritage sites is ok
(4) Safety is for little girls and incontinent old women. Real men can't die.

Well glad that's done, now if you excuse me, I'm going to go pillage and rape some ancient culture for about a thousand dollars worth of gold.

Wishing on the blood moon

2008-05-23T21:23:00.000-07:00

He wished for power, but not for life with which to abuse it. He wished for knowledge, but not the will to use it. He wished for nobility, but not for respect. He wished for strength, but not for a purpose. He wished for life, but not for a love to swear it to.

We always wish, we wish for what we want in days to come, we wish we had done things differently, we wish that life could go our way, our wishes as numerous as the stars in the sky above us. Why are we denied what we truly want then, if we wish it with all of our heart? The simple truth is that for every wish fulfilled, another one must be crushed in it's place. It's a simple trade, a product of the cardinal rule of the universe: there must be balance. For every success, there must be a failure to live beneath it. For every triumph, there must be a disaster. There is no such thing as a win-win situation. Is it really worth it to wish then, knowing that someone else will suffer for it, someone else will bear the cross of your success? At heart we're all selfish people, who ever woke up in the morning to think that what we want was less important than what someone else wanted? If anyone decided that, I commend them for their selflessness, but those people are monks and probably won't be reading this.

Even considering that no one will suffer, When we wish, do we ever think of what kind of ramifications our own wants bring onto ourselves? We want success, but with success comes hard work. Some of us want respect, but with respect comes accusing eyes, waiting in the dark for you to fall. Some of us want companionship, but with that comes pain. So do we really want any of this? We suffer as much as we did without what we craved, but I guess it's only human to chase the impossible dream, to chase after an ideal, shadows in the dark. Even understanding all of this, we plunge headlong into these things, and leave them behind us with regret after we've seen the whole picture. The strangest thing though, is that in hindsight, it always seems worth it. No matter what we've been through, to hell and back even, it always looks worth what we suffered when it's framed up in the corners of our mind. I guess thats what makes it worth it, the little piece of our life framed up in the recesses of our mind, the good and the bad. To wish is to dream, and to dream is to be human, no? It is our destiny to dream of touching the very stars overhead, to fulfill every single one of our dreams that is carried by the stars. How? By accepting the fact that others must suffer for you to win, for that is the dark truth behind everything in life.

The shorter sentences experiment

2008-05-18T08:00:00.000-07:00

Now, it has occurred to me through various sources that my sentences are too long. I think I might care to describe them like a long winding python, the kind that swallow goats and people whole and lie in the sun for days at a time. Well, I think that sentences was a little long. You know, maybe if I do hundreds of short sentences, I can use them as credit for longer sentences! Wow. Alright! with that last sentence, I've filled my quota for sentence writing for at least 20 long sentences.

You know, but what IS a long sentence? I mean one man's meat is another man's poison, but oddly enough people have an urge to choke down the poison. Half the time you have people agreeing to things which they absolutely hate or don't agree with because it's probably the polite thing to do. Know what I say to that? Screw them! I've got too little time to be polite or observe all the niceties of society. It's strange that people assume that all these little things take no time at all, but being politically correct takes up vast amounts of brainpower, especially if you happen to want to say politically incorrect things, the prime example of this being myself.

Now, as hard as this may be to believe(this is sarcasm in case your thick) I just don't seem to understand when it's the right time to say things, though I don't think there is a right time for the things I say. So, the fact that I'm still standing here is either a testament to my strength(fighting off angry minorities, insulted people, etc.) or I've adapted. Now, as much as I'd like to talk about my prodigious fighting capabilities, surviving past college is the utmost of my priorities. Consequently, lying about something like that is not the best way to go, because should anyone want to test said fighting capability, then I beseech someone to please collect the chunks and red stain you find wherever I was last seen. Anyway, instead of putting energy into fighting, I instead put it into the art of subtlety, because a person can't hit you if the insult wasn't direct! Well actually they can still hurt you, but not without looking like an ass. One may wonder why I even put myself through all this trouble and skirting so close to death. Well you know how they say you never feel more alive than you do on the edge of death? Well, let's just say I'm quite confident that I've got more life in me than a man who has been run over by a bus. Twice.

There we go. All done. Now I should do something useful. Like sleep, or something to that effect. I feel stupid doing these sentences. There, I'm sure that paid off my long sentences debt, now if you'll kindly excuse me, I've got sentences 200 words long to write to wash the taste of short sentences from my mouth(or hands if you want to get technical with me).

English literature: subject of the massively paranoid

2008-05-14T06:44:00.001-07:00

Now that we're all in the grip of exams, I think it appropriate that I write something remotely study themed, perhaps a little summary of the exams, or better still, lessons I've learned from all the various subjects I've taken!

Now, seeing literature was my first paper, I think it'd be a good start. One of the things I've learned from literature is how to be a conspiracy theorist. I mean, I can put no one better at looking too much into something than a literature student. Any literature student worth his or her salt will always excessively try to interpret things with no meaning. I'll put money on it that if I saw that the three main articles in the newspaper had the letter A starting each one, my mind would immediately jump to the conclusion that the newspaper is trying to convey some secret message like "Act And Attack" or something to that effect. There's obviously no way in hell that it just happened to be a coincidence. In fact, if I followed the things I've learned in literature, everyone knows there ain't no such thing as coincidence, everything has to be there for a logical explanation. Why are those two words together? A normal and sane person might say "because it sounds nice together", which is probable exactly what the author of said piece of text was thinking. As a lit student though, it'd be a capital crime to assume that the author just thought it sounded right, it must have a deeper meaning to it. I don't mean to say it doesn't, but i'm just saying that it's a pretty fair assumption that they don't sit down and come up with all this meaning with every bloody word.

Now, the edexcel board being the sneaky people they are, were smart enough to realize that some of their text might just have a little less meaning than they'd hoped for, and consequently only picked poems, novels and plays from authors that were either dead, or way too old to be sound of mind. This saved them the trouble of having to actually find out the true meaning behind these pieces of work. Which is all the better for people like me I suppose, it's a good outlet for all that bullshitting that I yearn to do, but cannot find the right situation for. I'm quite sure though that this will impede my ability to tell ordinary lies, which are the basis for not sounding like a really, really stupid criminal trying to string together an alibi to save yourself from being um........"accosted" by large, burly prisoners of the same gender when they lock you up with said criminals. Of course, if your lucky, people might just buy the wildest things you dream of when you lie to them on the sole fact that it's so outrageous that there's no way you could be fabricating it! But I do wager that if you interviewed about half the people in prison, they'd probably taken lit before(if they were educated) and had exactly the same thought on lying as I just did.

So safe to say that literature either turns you into a prison bitch, or into one of those snotty critics that try to force meaning in something as meaningless as rambo. Though we must appreciate their skill, because giving deeper social commentary to certain movies is like trying to start a fire by hitting your head against a wall. But you know, maybe there is a deeper meaning to all these movies and lit stuff. And maybe the tides will turn backwards, and a flying marshmallow will take me to the magic kingdom where pigs eat people. In a word(fine a couple of words) not bloody likely.

A sobering thought

2008-05-10T22:41:00.001-07:00

You know, I'm really not one for sentimentality, I'd probably eat that horse that's been loyally carrying the burden that is my frail, thin body quick as a snap if there was nothing else to eat and I was hungry, kind of like those hamsters that eat their young, and honestly I don't think I'm particularly far off from that. But in some cases, when the moon is full, and the planets align in a solar eclipse, I just might feel a little nostalgia for all the things, the things I've lost, or rather not the things, lord knows I value those as much as I value the rags I throw out, but the people. The people that were always there, the people that would make me laugh, the people that I would call in the middle of the night, the people I would call my friends.

In more ways than one, i've left myself behind, i've left behind who I was, and what I was. Yet, I still feel as if in leaving all that behind, i've somehow left the people that mattered to me behind as well to an extent. Never do I doubt the value and valor of those i've met but just recently, but in all honesty I am one that is slow to trust. To lose those that I do trust is such a waste, for in the years it's taken, I might never find another I trust so. I do not weep for the one's i've lost, nor do I contemplate the loss on a daily basis. Because if I did so, certainly I wouldn't have let the kinship we all shared wither and die. Instead, I look at it all in passing and think to myself what a pity it is, and shed no tears, nor spare no thoughts for that which I have lost. Because truly, that is the way of the world, you forget those that are not by your side. Loyalty one might say might stave this, but it only denies the inevitable, when all memories of the friendships we had would be commited forever into dusty tomes, memories of an era bygone, forgotten.

No matter how we promise, always is a useless word, the only constant is change. Change itself is like the wind, with each of us in a tiny boat. Sometimes where we go is no choice of our own, a wind too strong to fight, and we go in opposite directions. How likely would it be that the winds bring us together again? Even if that does happen by some unlikely turn of fate, who might we be by then, definitely not the same people that we knew and loved, but of a new mold. Every one of us has and will change, the only thing we can really hope for in the end I guess is to enjoy the person our companions have become, lest we all grow apart forevermore.

Though, even when the winds take us away from them, we always hope they've found something else they cherish, even if you aren't one of them anymore. Though no one has been left out in the rain, sometimes you wonder if you would've been happier to be out in the rain with those people that live only in your memories, than in a room with the people you've found, but the truth about it is, that we'll probably never think of that anyway, not while so many new adventures and experiences await us in the new place we now belong to. Besides, who's to say we have any place with the people we once knew anyway? How do we know we still belong by their side now?

Perhaps we've all found what we want, and we've stopped looking at the one's that stood by us while we climbed to where we stand now. A sobering thought.

Flesh house, the house with soul

2008-05-08T06:11:00.000-07:00

Now, what kind of house do you want to live in? A boring old house, with it's concrete walls, glass windows, and wooden doors? No, you want something innovative to live in, something on the bleeding edge of technology, a house of the future so to speak. Pollution? For the environmentally conscious, This house can completely solve the problem of pollutive emissions, as all emissions are biodegradable, and hence recyclable. People always talk about wanting a house with a soul, and now you can, with so much more with the one and only flesh house, the house with soul!

Yes, a house made of flesh, you might think isn't very.....comely, but think of it as having a dog.....only bigger, and you live inside of it. What other house can be your friend when your sad, or joys when you return?(as long as you don't upset it, because then it'll consume you utterly) Now, what kind of space can you expect from this house? That's one of the key features of this house, and it constantly expands, encroaching on your neighbor's lands and eventually assimilating their houses completely, and by the end of a couple of years, you should have a house of at least 4 acres, driving all your neighbors from their homes, forcing them to move out or join your household! That way, you can be closer to the neighbors that really care about you, and chase away the ones that don't. What better way to find out who cares about you eh? Now, in terms of power, we at flesh co. know about the rising concerns of the price of power, and we are extremely supportive of the technology of bio-fuel, with three barrels of organic material, you can fuel the house for months on end, with no additional costs on your bill! Where are you getting to that much organic material? Well, here's a tip, a single full grown male=1 barrel of fuel for the house, lets leave it at that.

This house comes complete with a kitchen, which is environmentally friendly! With methane gas produced by the house automatically, it makes the perfect fuel for a stove! Along with recycled water it takes from it's very own bowels, which you can use in your everyday life. What could be cleaner than something that has been through all that filtering? Yes, there really is nothing this house doesn't provide, how about heating you ask? Well, this house as a living home, keeps a stable temperature that is exactly equal to your body temperature, gone are the days when it was too hot or too cold because the heater controls just don't agree with you, now the temperature's always just right for you, at body temperature!

People these days are wildly concerned about security, with a living house, who can predict how it'll stop the robbers? If you can't predict it, neither can the robbers. Will it drop down loads of digestive acids? Or maybe today it'll create a new door that leads to it's maw? Who can tell what it might do, certainly not the robbers at any rate, and as an added bonus, these security measures cannot be disabled by any robbers! Sure, the house has a little trouble telling friend from foe, but what's a little digestive acid between you and your house eh? It's all in good sport, you know the house doesn't mean it, unless you made it angry. Then your screwed.

This house is also not without it's adaptability, in the central control room, you can control everything from the temperature(hypothalamus control room) to the general disposition of the house, everything can be adjusted with a little shock! Also, where else would you find adventure like escaping from your own house when you overload the controls with electricity? Certainly not in your boring, old stone house, thats for sure.

Yes, the flesh house ladies and gentlemen, the house of the future of you and me. Imagine a scene, when you and your children will be sitting outside on fleshy chairs, while you stare wistfully out at the sunset, with a glass of regurgitated glucose(which can be accessed from any part of the house I add) knowing that the house will provide for you all. If you want one now, just call 177-FLESH-HOUSE, for the first 50 callers through for the house seeding, we'll throw in a free set of kitchen knives, to fight off the house if it rebells against it's new master, show it who's boss, be the master of your own home! How can you go wrong with a house with such endorsements as "ahhh why won't it let me leave" and "it hisses at me in the night" or even "My legs, oh my legs", each and every one of these endorsements more convincing than the last, don't tarry any longer, get your very own flesh house, your very own special friend!

(dedicated to Jason Chow, yes i'll help you with this house when your older, happy?)

No plot, no ending, no meaning, a dummies guide to yaoi

2008-05-05T04:24:00.001-07:00

It has suddenly occurred to me that exams are actually just around the corner, waiting like some kind of crazed stalker with a tazer. As unhelpful as this blog seems, I will attempt to justify burning away my life on it when I should be doing the obvious, which is studying, unless some of you happen NOT to realize because you somehow have some kind of crazy penchant for skipping the first line of any and all posts. By saying that i'm writing some kind of article for the continued importance of the people......which as horrible as it is to write, I unfortunately promised while groggy and perhaps quite drunk(which may or may not come as a surprise to people I haven't seen in a while) but yes, i'm here to write about......Yaoi. Yes, this may not seem like a particularly important topic, but I find it of the utmost importance to protect the minds of the more impressionable and ignorant

Now, it has come to my attention that basically what i'm running with this blog is a rant-ranch, minus the homosexual cowboys. Well, that's a good way to get started on this, now i'm going to get ALL kids of DELIGHTFUL comments from anyone who reads this involving my orientation. Fantastic. well I obviously don't watch this trash, especially after certain....facts have come to light about it that trouble my sleep like tiny imps with electric darts. From what I can scrape up, the story of any typical yaoi material is kind of like being chained to an unending rerun of all the sex scenes in Brokeback mountain, which even has a full on innuendo in it's name to boot just to tell you what to expect if you unwittingly try watching it, while being hit with a bat of frozen stupid. Generally the premise consists of two men, who seem to have a sex drive that borders into nymphomania, as well as scanty clothing, and almost-rape. Apparently there's something about these men that when they say they don't want it, it's actually EXACTLY what they're looking for, which teaches us such valuable lessons about life such as, if they say they don't want it, they actually do.......well, suddenly it's all become clear why I get turned down so much, it's evidently because I don't try to preform statutory rape, or anything to that effect.

From what i've established from my dark delving into this world of dim lights and prison cells, most of the core plots of these kinds of atrocities against man consist of 2 men, one who is a woman in all things except anatomy, and even that part of said person's manliness is questionable, and some kind of charming dominant one. With the mildest of provocation, they jump on each other like starving animals to a carcass, and engage in fornication in positions that defy the laws of biology and physics, as well as the laws of decency in case you hadn't realized yet, and are only now getting some kind of epithamy or had illusions about the perversity of the topic I'm writing about, then please pray for the sweet embrace of death, nothing much will change in your brain chemistry, that's a promise.

Amongst the titles that I have discovered the existence of such unique titles to appeal to all the varied types of people, because obviously everyone wants to read about man-sex combined with whatever strange.....tastes they have. Prime examples of this taste being such gems as:-

(1)under grand hotel, which is actually about a men's prison, probably with a tagline which goes something like "don't drop the soap!"

(2)Sex Pistols, which one would think would actually involve guns, but instead is actually some kind of pseudo animal kind of thing, because one of the men turns into some kind of animal, lord knows how THAT still qualifies as man-sex, I mean the dudes an animal for christ sakes! Lord knows what any of this has to do with pistols.......you know, aside from the innuendo and all. Besides, i'm pretty sure they draw them more in line with bazookas or cannons.

(3)sensitive pornograph, lord knows what the hell THIS is about, I just know it's bad.

I mean, from prisons to animals what will they come up with next. I mean, I do wonder how these people decide to write stories like this, I mean do they wake up one morning and say "I think i'm going to write erotica about inmates", or "gee, suddenly I feel about writing about animal-man sex", how in the name of GOD does one get inspiration for this shit?

Well, now that i'm done, I think it's probably time for the disclaimer which no one reads:- I, Dexter Foong of sound body and mind have not read or in fact touched any of the said horrors in physical form, and all information comes from......."experienced" sources, which would generally consist of Pia and Amani, who pursue these........works of fiction. This post is also dedicated to the both of them, because without their knowledge, I would never have been able to write a post based on my slanted and bigoted views of their reading material, so thank you Amani and thank you Pia. Lord knows, I might've actually had to write something of substance today if I hadn't been for lack of a better word, conscripted into writing this.

Of lobster phones and people

2008-05-03T20:21:00.000-07:00

Now that it suddenly occurs to me that people might actually be reading this thing, it is of unfortunate coincidence that I must begin putting up rational articles for one to read, because to read whatever rubbish I can come up with is like gazing into a pit of madness to which there is no bottom.

But unfortunately, I just don't care very much about the state of sanity amongst the people, lord knows it's already at a dangerously low level at any rate, probably somewhere near the level of common sense possessed by the general public(which is pretty damn low in case you somehow lack the capacity to follow my train of thought, which as it occurs to me seems more like some kind of All Terrain Vehicle more than a train). Sometimes, you wonder where all of that logic and common sense went. Perhaps it was flushed out with all that awful trash people call art these days. With gems of innovation and pure artistry such as the lobster phone, which for those of you who are unaware of is exactly what it sounds like, it's a phone......with a lobster on top of it. All things considered, I cannot say I'm that surprised at the state of the human mind, which I think I can aptly describe as a cup of rotting milk. And since a picture says a thousand words, look at the sheer artistry and genius that is the LOBSTER PHONE

Now I would assume that some of you are thinking now that I have some kind of vendetta against the rest of the human race, and I assure you that I do not, I just find a portion of them.........um.......oh to hell with it I cant find a better euphemism for what I'm thinking than intolerable. Though don't take me too seriously on that, the only thing that I actually find distasteful in people is an unwillingness to accept the views of others, for there is no greater insult than to pass someone else's opinion off completely on the basis that yours sounds better. Now, you may be of the opinion that this doesn't happen all that much, but if you really listen, then you'll find the truth about the sheer volume of ignorance astounding, and if you don't, then I guess my effort writing all of this has been a terrific way to burn up whatever little time I have.

And that concludes my ramblings today, tune in later tonight for a sanity-induced post that I really think I should get to writing,(to foil Pia's bet that I'd fold this thing after 3 posts) which is as soon as my muse comes back to me, because as well all know, inspiration is like a mugger, it hits you when you least expect it or want it to.

Words from a dictionary

2008-05-02T23:34:00.000-07:00

The word of the day is: pound! Now before I start on the madness, let me begin by explaining how in the name of loving god I came up with this, after much boredom, I decided to flip through a dictionary and use the first two words that came up and voila I found a title! which unfortunately seems to have no conceivable meaning. So it could be said that this blog is the product of random impulse and extreme boredom, as well as easy access to the dictionary in case your as interested in this as you are with the history of eraser-making.

Now, on to the word that I found, I'm supposed to write something about pounds, and all I have to say about the pound is that it is dirty and smells like death itself, somehow it surprises me little that the nice people at the pound have to put down animals on something of a daily basis, as to keep the animals from taking control in an animal farm esque way, which would be funny and disturbing at the same time, except the funny would stop when they purge the new bastion of animal equality. But anyway, people say I have a pretty poor attention span and.......OOO shiny!

What was I saying? Ah yes, you know, I actually weigh about 132.76 pounds, and suddenly I feel very cheap, I mean a hobo can't LIVE on that much cash in the UK, well I guess when they say human life is priceless, it may very well be because the price is too low to consider, so logically if the price is that low, I could possibly use the money in my wallet to buy me at least........50 new livers, to supplement my latent alcoholism, and that way, I can live fast AND die old. And this concludes today's rambling section on nothing at all, and all derived from the meaning pound, though I only wish the dictionary god would've let me land on a better and more interesting word, but oh well, such is life I suppose.

And since I absolutely MUST give credit where credit is due, thank you pothead for being my human dictionary flipper. Now between her and my secretaries, all I need is someone to cup their hands for me to pee in and i'm all set for life and beyond